Dean Attwell — Co-Founder of Oakland International — shares his personal journey from successful but depressed business leader to renewed purpose through therapy. Despite building a company with 1,400 employees, he experienced deep depression and loneliness at the top. After trying physical challenges like climbing Kilimanjaro and polar expeditions without lasting relief, he discovered INLIBRIUM’s program through Hardi’s LinkedIn post about lonely leadership. Through a six-month intensive program with INLIBRIUM’s team and continuous support, he learned to face his demons, unlock suppressed emotions, and transform his leadership style. The interdisciplinary approach helped him move from being preoccupied with business to focusing on personal happiness, relationships, and becoming a leader who supports others.
Dean Attwell — Co-Founder of Oakland International — shares his personal journey from successful but depressed business leader to renewed purpose through therapy. Despite building a company with 1,400 employees, he experienced deep depression and loneliness at the top. After trying physical challenges like climbing Kilimanjaro and polar expeditions without lasting relief, he discovered INLIBRIUM’s program through Hardi’s LinkedIn post about lonely leadership. Through a six-month intensive program with INLIBRIUM’s team and continuous support, he learned to face his demons, unlock suppressed emotions, and transform his leadership style. The interdisciplinary approach helped him move from being preoccupied with business to focusing on personal happiness, relationships, and becoming a leader who supports others.
In his own words
They say leadership, or the top job, is lonely, and it is lonely. People look at you and think, well, these guys must be all right, look at the house, look at the car. But that's almost like the proverbial swan. You can't see what's going on under the water, can you?
My name is Dean Attwell, co-founder of a group of companies called Oakland International in the UK and Ireland. We've done well in our businesses. We employ a lot of people, it's 1,400 people working with us. But when you get to a certain size, you just keep adding more businesses and more zeros to turnover, and you lose some of your heart.
Over the years, life became fairly one-dimensional, and I went through a stage of depression. A lot of people talk about being depressed, and I'm sure they feel they are, but actually, when you really can't see the next five minutes, you get tired very quickly, you struggle to get to sleep, when you wake up, you wake up sad, and the whole sense of purpose, no matter what you've got, it means nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.
And so I looked at my own career from childhood, really, and I thought, oh, this is a bit of a rude awakening, because I thought my life's been pretty shallow and there's a lot more to do. And is this all there is to it?
So I started taking on new challenges. I'd never done an external physical challenge, and I did Kilimanjaro, and I felt that was like a bit of a reset moment. Then I did a couple more expeditions. I did the North Pole, South Pole, which were pretty extreme things to get to go and do. Physically rewarding in terms of capability, but they weren't hitting the spot, and I desperately didn't want to go back into this point of depression. So I just ended up putting focus into more work.
I think that's classic with a lot of entrepreneurs. You just put things in boxes, because, especially blokes, you do that, and you parcel it all up, and then you have all these boxes buried inside you. And I think business follows suit, so you cast a shadow in leadership.
I'd read a post on LinkedIn that Hardi had written about a lonely leader, and I thought, okay, that's different. And yeah, it was an interesting conversation when I first had the Zoom call with him and Monika. I felt they were very genuine, I engaged with them, and I felt, well, there's actually nothing to lose by trying something new.
From the start, not knowing what the issues were, to having the first one or two sessions, and then I did a fairly intense program over six months. But then the psychedelic-assisted therapy, that's something that was... that's something worth exploring.
But I've never felt anything like it. I was a bit embarrassed about doing it in the first instance. I thought, okay, people are going to think you're a space junkie or something. But the whole process is very, very well rehearsed, very well supervised, which gives you a great degree of comfort and trust, because you need that. In the same way as, you know, I wouldn't have gone on these expeditions if I didn't trust the guides. You put all your faith in them, and you do the same in these rooms here.
It takes a little bit of time, but all you're doing is you're unlocking a whole load of emotions that just need to settle. It's not something that's easy, so anyone who thinks this is easy, it isn't, because you have to face your demons. And actually, once this process unfolds, you can see what they are, and they're actually walking alongside you, so you're not dragging them anymore. You just recognize that they're there.
There's an awful lot more to be thankful for, and equal to apologize for, because, you know, I might have been a bit of a d*** over there. We all are at times. And it's never too late to apologize to yourself and to others.
This process has really been beneficial for me in terms of unlocking those boxes, which hasn't been pleasant. There are parts of this that are very unpleasant to deal with, but you have to face up to them. And that's one thing this has taught me as well: it's okay to be emotional.
And I'm excited for the next 15, 20 years. If anything, it's an energy booster, and there's a real focus on personal happiness. My kids are all grown up now, but they're still important to me, very important to me, and I want to remain important to them. And then the business will become less of a preoccupation. But I think I'll do better as a result of that, because what this does is create a type of person, or a type of leader, that casts a different shadow, where you encourage and support and guide other people to become leaders in their own right. Where you're doing things for the right reasons, and doing some good, not just for you, but for those around you and also complete strangers. Couldn't have said that 18 months ago, by the way.
So if you're actually watching this for the duration, then you're pretty sure that you are after something that you really, really do need, and I couldn't recommend it highly enough.
They say leadership, or the top job, is lonely, and it is lonely. People look at you and think, well, these guys must be all right, look at the house, look at the car. But that's almost like the proverbial swan. You can't see what's going on under the water, can you?
My name is Dean Attwell, co-founder of a group of companies called Oakland International in the UK and Ireland. We've done well in our businesses. We employ a lot of people, it's 1,400 people working with us. But when you get to a certain size, you just keep adding more businesses and more zeros to turnover, and you lose some of your heart.
Over the years, life became fairly one-dimensional, and I went through a stage of depression. A lot of people talk about being depressed, and I'm sure they feel they are, but actually, when you really can't see the next five minutes, you get tired very quickly, you struggle to get to sleep, when you wake up, you wake up sad, and the whole sense of purpose, no matter what you've got, it means nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.
And so I looked at my own career from childhood, really, and I thought, oh, this is a bit of a rude awakening, because I thought my life's been pretty shallow and there's a lot more to do. And is this all there is to it?
So I started taking on new challenges. I'd never done an external physical challenge, and I did Kilimanjaro, and I felt that was like a bit of a reset moment. Then I did a couple more expeditions. I did the North Pole, South Pole, which were pretty extreme things to get to go and do. Physically rewarding in terms of capability, but they weren't hitting the spot, and I desperately didn't want to go back into this point of depression. So I just ended up putting focus into more work.
I think that's classic with a lot of entrepreneurs. You just put things in boxes, because, especially blokes, you do that, and you parcel it all up, and then you have all these boxes buried inside you. And I think business follows suit, so you cast a shadow in leadership.
I'd read a post on LinkedIn that Hardi had written about a lonely leader, and I thought, okay, that's different. And yeah, it was an interesting conversation when I first had the Zoom call with him and Monika. I felt they were very genuine, I engaged with them, and I felt, well, there's actually nothing to lose by trying something new.
From the start, not knowing what the issues were, to having the first one or two sessions, and then I did a fairly intense program over six months. But then the psychedelic-assisted therapy, that's something that was... that's something worth exploring.
But I've never felt anything like it. I was a bit embarrassed about doing it in the first instance. I thought, okay, people are going to think you're a space junkie or something. But the whole process is very, very well rehearsed, very well supervised, which gives you a great degree of comfort and trust, because you need that. In the same way as, you know, I wouldn't have gone on these expeditions if I didn't trust the guides. You put all your faith in them, and you do the same in these rooms here.
It takes a little bit of time, but all you're doing is you're unlocking a whole load of emotions that just need to settle. It's not something that's easy, so anyone who thinks this is easy, it isn't, because you have to face your demons. And actually, once this process unfolds, you can see what they are, and they're actually walking alongside you, so you're not dragging them anymore. You just recognize that they're there.
There's an awful lot more to be thankful for, and equal to apologize for, because, you know, I might have been a bit of a d*** over there. We all are at times. And it's never too late to apologize to yourself and to others.
This process has really been beneficial for me in terms of unlocking those boxes, which hasn't been pleasant. There are parts of this that are very unpleasant to deal with, but you have to face up to them. And that's one thing this has taught me as well: it's okay to be emotional.
And I'm excited for the next 15, 20 years. If anything, it's an energy booster, and there's a real focus on personal happiness. My kids are all grown up now, but they're still important to me, very important to me, and I want to remain important to them. And then the business will become less of a preoccupation. But I think I'll do better as a result of that, because what this does is create a type of person, or a type of leader, that casts a different shadow, where you encourage and support and guide other people to become leaders in their own right. Where you're doing things for the right reasons, and doing some good, not just for you, but for those around you and also complete strangers. Couldn't have said that 18 months ago, by the way.
So if you're actually watching this for the duration, then you're pretty sure that you are after something that you really, really do need, and I couldn't recommend it highly enough.